i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
