I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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