What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
