I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
