That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
