FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
