So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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