i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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