Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
