I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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