UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
