Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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