I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
