I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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