am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
