I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
