I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my poor anus
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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