Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
