so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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