ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
