Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
