gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just gargled with NyQuil
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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