her vagine was all disorganized.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
