DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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