The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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