There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
