I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
