she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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