I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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