my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
