Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Green mimosas i think yes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
