So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You ruined the universe
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
