apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
