She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
