In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
