Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
