oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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