I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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