no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
