I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
