It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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