She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
