Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
