why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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