I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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