Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
