I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
