Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
