You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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