I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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