Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
