btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there was a trapeze. enough said
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
sex in a hospital.. check
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
