Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we should paint friendship bongs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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