I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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