i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
